I am formally filing a grievance, lodging a complaint, of filing charges against Billy the Elf. Yes, you remember him. The Elf on the Shelf you sent to us a few days after Thanksgiving this year. Since his arrival he has been lazy and just getting into general mischief. I have solid proof of all these charges that I am bring up against him.
As far as his mischief, I present…
Exhibit A: Sass saw him sprinkling Nesquik on the counter last week. She assured me it was not her and was indeed Billy.
Exhibit B: Shush said she saw Billy knocking the ornaments off the bottom of the Christmas Tree and giving them to Herman our cat so he could swat them around the floor.
Lets not call it lazy. Lets call it neglectful or procrastinating. To prove these charges I present…
Exhibit C: Of the 17 days Billy has been with us he has forgotten to go back to the North Pole 7 nights while we were asleep. Although he commonly makes his reports in the day while the kids are at school. Still no excuses!
Exhibit D: He lost his book in the North Pole. It just finally showed up last week. In the past his book came on his initial night, warning us of his arrival. Not this year. It showed up well over a week after Billy did.
And finally I present Exhibit E as my final proof to close this case…
Exhibit E: His poor choice of positioning caused him to fall off the door bell this weekend and be dragged around the hall by Herman (above mentioned cat). Luckily Mrs L down the street had a similar incident (no cat involved) last year and knew the cure so Billy didn’t lose his magic.
Now Santa, I’m not advocating for the permanent removal of Billy from our house. He does however need a stern talking to. I am unsure of your discipline policy in the North Pole, but I would assume it has some sort of written performance plans and reviews. Perhaps it could be noted in his personnel file so next year he will strive to do better.
Thank you for your time and consideration in this matter. If you have any further questions regarding Billy or any other matter please feel free to contact me at email@example.com.
H of Beyond the Sippy Cup